When the Dress Doesn’t Fit the Bride of Christ
I found my wedding dress before I was technically engaged. It was the first one I tried on. Wade had no idea. It wasn’t exactly what I went looking for, but I fell in love fast. Kinda like with Wade.
I called my mother. She loved it. I put the order in.
These were the ‘production delay’ days of the pandemic. Six months, they said. Six months went by… nothing. Two weeks later I called… nothing. Repeat that two-week process four times. It finally came in mere weeks before the wedding. Long story short, the dress was so large that the alteration was considered a ‘reconfiguration.’ It was going to cost as much as the dress itself. I was heartbroken. I left it with the shop and went in search of something off the rack.
Another long story short, I found another beautiful one that needed just the tiniest bit of alterations. I came back two days before the wedding. It didn’t even seem like the original dress. I was, again, heartbroken. But this was the dress I would be walking down the aisle in.
I cried during bridal portraits before the ceremony. I had been looking forward to the wedding for months, and now, because of the dress, I just wanted it all to be over. Who wants to eat and dance and be photographed when they feel uncomfortable in their clothes?
But then, let me tell you, when the wedding march started and those chapel doors opened, the only thing in the world that mattered to me was that tall redhead at the altar. Everything else, including my self-conscious discomfort, fell away. I could have been in my favorite sweats and house shoes. I literally didn’t care anymore.
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Every single semester I taught college students, I met those who grew up in Church but were disgruntled with ‘the whole Christian thing.’ This ranged from those suffering silently to quitting Church to atheism to trying other religions.
When I got to know each of these folks, it almost always one of two things. It’s not that they don’t like God. Rather, it’s that they’ve been misfitted.
They either a.) don’t like the version of Christianity they grew up in, or b.) they were made to feel like they didn’t belong in it. Both ways, it’s just not a fit.
Can you imagine if there was only one style of wedding dress— some kind of bridal uniform? Look, my body is just not made for a mermaid trumpet gown. But aren’t they so beautiful on those who can rock them? This is how I feel about Christian denominations.
I’d be a really bad baptist, no offense to them. But I’m really into this whole Christianity thing and that Jesus guy.
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I’ve met the person who grew up in a strict and reverent church, but they find it stuffy and boring. That person isn’t a bad Christian. They need a church with a little more liveliness and freedom— maybe even room to dance. And those churches exist.
I’ve met the person who grew up in a wildly charismatic and joyously expressive church, but they find it overwhelming and obnoxious. It’s not that they hate church… they’re just an introvert. They need a church with a bit more structure and quiet. And those churches exist.
I’ve meet the person who grew up in a faith-filled, big-on-beliving-without-questioning Church, but they found it fake and nonsensical. It’s not that they don’t want to believe in God, it’s just that they need a church that emphasizes reason and provides an intellectual component. And those churches exist.
You need to feel comfy at church. You need to feel like yourself. You need to find the version that fits you.
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There is one Lord and one faith, the scriptures are clear. But we don’t all agree on everything or express our worship the same way. And we don’t have to. There is freedom in our unified faith under the one Lord.
The scriptures call us to unity which is not the same thing as uniformity. Unity allows that which is diverse to still be one. Sound familiar? That very concept is the nature of our triune God: the three distinctive persons of the Father, Son, and Spirit, yet only one holy and divine being.
Differences in the Body of Christ do not have to be divisions in the Body of Christ. Denominations are not the devil. This is the Body of Christ, broken for you. Some follow Peter, some follow Paul, but we all follow Jesus.
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If you’re having a hard time with church or Christianity, let’s not throw the groom out with the wedding dress.
You are the beloved; you belong here, and you’re beautiful to Christ no matter what you wear. The pageantry of it all is not as important as Who we find at the altar. But please, don’t be uncomfortable in the Church and blame yourself.
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If the Lord don’t come and the creek don’t rise, catch you next time.
